Getting started

Hello beings! I'm Mollie and I've seen that my friend has been doing a blog spot. I'd be sitting in my living room and I would think of something and want to be able to put it into a blog. I'm giving this a try even though I'll probably drop it after a bit. I'm playing the most calming music I can think of right now. Is it just me or does the font make me look like I'm never going to misspell something. (I meant to say that I'm listening to Band of Horses)


hmmm.


I'm not sure if your suppose to be creative or whatever here but I know that I'm just going fling my mind into here. hopefully someone will feel the need to give me their opinion. I little bit about myself. I feel, that lately I have been more comfortable with myself. I'm plus sized and I dont feel like everyone is looking at my chub all the time. I feel that if I think I'm cute and stylish in something then everyone else will. I absolutely love when someone looks....I dont know....like they rest in their living room, and are peaceful and do whatever they want. I love the thermal long sleeve shirts (my belly is hurting). I love the unshaven pale men. The worn olive green vest they wear. The comfortable shoes that they look like they go hiking in. I love the look of comfort.


I have high anxiety. I get hot and sweaty so easily and it is horrible. I have some sort of disease that makes my stomach go off the heezy and I always feel like I'm going to shit myself when ever I'm nervous. Nervous for car rides, class, awkward moment. I had it in 4th grade for the first time and it stopped that year but when I started 7th grade I got extremely horrible. I was just so afraid of tooting right in class especially when its quiet and it made everything worse. I'm to busy thinking about keeping it in that I can't do my work. I can't listen to the lessons. My mom gave me calming stuff and that kind of worked. I still had the stomach issues so I did research on my symptoms and it looked like I had IBS. I already knew I was lactose intolerant, so I guess having that mixed with the stress of my parents fighting all the time and all the drama of my family, it really took a toll on me. I changed my diet in 8th grade and it finally stopped. I didn't have any issues the next year except for a couple of usual stomach problems. I'm now in 10th grade and my parents are divorced and it's better because they don't yell everyday but when my dad talks to my mom and makes her cry or when ever he just talks about her its stressful. I used to hate him for being such a cruel person but it's still kind of there lately. My brothers are in drugs and they lie and they don't really sneak because the house we are in isn't monitored at all. My dad it gone everyday except Tuesday and you all probably know by now that I don't live with my mom. I spend every weekend with her though and I talk to her all the time. But anyway, my IBS has started up again and I used to come home every day in the beginning of the year and sleep so I have put on a lot of weight but I am a manager of the basketball team so I'm doing pretty good recently. But this was all goes back to my body image. I feel like I'm not ugly and I can be cute as long as I'm covered up. I'm extremely hairy....and I don't like the way my boobs go. They dont do the whole cleavage thing but I just got a bra that helped me with that. I usually wear t shirts because they are the perfect coverage but I do have 2 v necks. (I almost got side tracked just now, I'm tired) I have really bad acne on my back and face. I have gotten stretch marks from my recent weight gain. I feel like I'm really funny and people tell me this all the time and I'm really comfortable with my close friends and I'm trying to get my grades up because I started out so good but then once I wanted to start dieting my stomach went absolutely ballistic. I'm trying to pull it all together. I want to be in a relationship but not badly. It would be nice but I don't want to have the stress. No one has shown interest in me but the guys who I can talk to are ideal for me. I can only talk to them in class though. In the halls we just walk by each other. It makes me feel that no guy wants to be seen talking to me in public. Oh wel,l I'll continue tomorrow. I think I've written to much for my first blog ever. *long sigh* I love who ever is reading this and I give you a giant hug.