Depressed

Lately, I've been resorting to something shameful in hopes of getting my self esteem up. That just led to an even lower one. That's what I get, I guess. I'm just embarrassed and ashamed though. I should just be able to say for myself that I am beautiful. It's just nice to hear from others too. When you hear it from other people that you aren't, it makes it pretty hard to believe you are. I wonder if the day will come. How sad...