yes you do

I'm laying here on my bed. I'm wearing comfy clothes because I got sick at school today and because I just got out of the shower. I'm on my period and I didn't have much water today. I got a massive head ache in one part of my head in 5th period and I couldnt really see out of my right eye. It started doubling up and I had trouble taking my test...I'm listening to "Hey there Delilah" because I thought it would make me happy but it didn't. I've been wanting a group of songs that pull me back to a good time but I'm always on my laptop so I can't listen to all my downloaded songs on my desktop that's at my mom's house, just sitting. It's mother's day soon and I feel bad that I don't get her stuff but that's the way we were raised. My mom was the one buying the presents and we never bought each other presents, ever. Sunday will be a good day:] I tried to drink water when I had my head ache and then a cup in 6th period when I was DYING.. but I puked in my mouth while walking home and projectile vomited when I got home.

ALSO! My french teacher pregnant. I knew it! I could see her belly and her boobs looked especially big today. I've asked her, for the class, if she would invite us to her baby shower, but I wasn't asking because I thought she was pregnant, I was just curious. But for the past two weeks I've been asking my friend in the class if she thought so and I told another friend that I thought she was and she said that someone else and herself were just talking about it yesterday. I asked two more people and I knew it had to be asked. So I started with the baby shower question and she sort of didn't answer and then I asked if she would tell us if she was pregnant and she said maybe. Then someone else, I'm not sure who, asked if she was going to have a baby and she said oui and then they asked "right now?" and she said oui and then someone said you're giving birth in the classroom and said no and I just threw it out! "ARE YOU PREGNANT??!?!?!" and she said YESS!!! The whole class cheered! I started yelling about how I knew and how I was everyone all class and how we are going to wear pink shirts saying "It's a girl!" because she said it's possibly going to be a girl. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I made her give me a hug and then when I was leaving class I was so happy and excited I almost started crying. jeeze -.- HAHAH! I LOVE MOMMIES!!!!

I was planning on giving blood this weekend but since I'm in such SHITTY SHAPE I might not be able too:[

I LOVE MADAME!

Hhhwell..

I just want to talk about my relationship shingbing. I'm officially over it and I just want to give my final word. ya know?

I had two things going on...They weren't exactly relationships because I'm just to scared and am SEVERELY unsure about how relationships and getting to men works. I think people are cute all the time but I never talk to them. I tell absolutely everyone about it, except them, but since I can't do real like stuff I stick to texting and talking on the phone. For a good couple of weeks I started texting this guy I talked to back in 7th grade. I "went out" with him but for 2 years I acted like it never happened and whenever a friend would mention his name I would act like I didn't know what they were talking about. They knew I was kidding, I'm not delusional... I did this because it was all so pathetic and plain embarrassing. So I started talking to him out of desperation for male communication. I really didn't like my brothers and dad at the time I really needed someone to call me beautiful and stuff like that. (I know, I don't need someone to call me beautiful, I just need myself too) So I put on this whole act that I wanted to be friends and stuff when i absolutely didn't... He's really not the smartest guy and from what he told me he didn't have very many friend. He would be extra sweet to me and it drove me crazy. If I wanted someone he'd give it to me. No matter what it was, anything for me to keep talking to him. I had two friends over and totally was mean to him and scammed him into giving me a picture of his goods. I was completely entertained because it seemed like common sense to stop talking to someone who was mean to you, but I didn't care about his feelings. I stopped texting him the next day and haven't since. I was alright with him being in pain....

As of now, I feel bad, but I'm not going to get sucked back into it. This is why;
I talked to a guy back in 7th or 8th grade. I met him on myspace and talk to him quite a bit on msn. We would talk on and off and I thought he was the cutest thing in the world. I'd be sad when he left and absolutely ecstatic when he came on. I remember having a few tussles with him but nothing that stands out. He called me fat but I figured it was a joke. I had a time when I didn't like him because he looked weird, but he happened to be on during spring break. I sent him a message jokingly saying he was really hot and telling him to have sex with me. He replied positively so I knew I was "in" ya know? I proceeded to start talking to him on myspaceim. He was clearly flirting with me and I gave him my number and I was just like before. I was completely consumed with him. He would call me babe and it was absolutely mesmerizing. I snooped on his myspace and remember why I didn't like him before. He was a GIANT flirt with EVERY girl alive. I pushed it to the side, but I honestly should have listened to my heart. I reminded him of the time he called me fat and he didn't recall and he apologized and said I was adorable. This was on the phone. I didn't know you could lie on the phone. It's pretty much like talking to someone's face. I felt like that memory was a door opener into my weakness. He would randomly call me fat and I would take it like it was a joke but he would be extremely harsh. I fought back one time and thought i was in the clear. He slowly stopped talking to me and it was odd. I didn't understand...AT ALL! He didn't give a reason and I was so sad until I remembered...

I had done the same EXACT thing to my last guy. This ultimately didn't end well and I'm not talking to him anymore. I'm not sad anymore, I know I deserved it. My friends were saying it was karma and I wouldnt admit it but it was PURE KARMA :/ plain and simple. Over all, It was a learning experience. *siiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

I really need to get my hutspa up and mingle with the men of bremerton. No more online or textual business. I have my eye on 3 men and 1 is an ABSOLUTE no since he denied me on facebook and is a senior and chose my small, cute friend who he knows as much as he knows me. He doesn't know me at all so that's saying something.......

I really only have a chance with 1 and I don't know. I'm going to have to do something or else I'm never going to get anywhere EVER. mahhh...


that was long..

Just STOP TALKING...

I tend to get extremely excited about things that make me happy. I tell everyone about it. I don't know if I just have some issue with it actually being something that makes me happy. Well....I actually get made happy by almost everything. So when someone makes me happy, especially a guy, I talk about it and freak out a lot! I get pretty annoying...I guess. I'm not convinced he's serious about this whole thing, but I'm not going to worry about it.

I'm Feeling Beautiful

I just put on my cutest dress and some make up. I feel beautiful right now. UGH! I have to get passed this whole guy deprived thing. Complaining about it on here isn't going to get me anywhere. I watched "Made: Ladies Man" today and they have the same issues as me. Rejection sucks! We'll just have to see. I spend way to much time on the computer. I'm just sitting here:] Feeling pretty. I just had the best sleepover with Lindsey. I love how you can feel so comfy with people. We sat at the table on our comps and didn't talk for like 30 minutes. Awkwardness has NEVER been in our relationship. AH! Happy happy happy! No demon stories. WOOT k byeee

Op?

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Life is this and that these days... I'm just going to type and not go back and fix my mistakes for this blog. I need to go to bed! It's my birthday and I'm 16. I have a cellphone lover....I'm PATHETIC! My brothers love me. I love them! I love my dad and he loves me too! I'm happy about that. I love my mom but not so much right now. I know she loves me but she's contradicting herself. ITS FUCKING ANNOYING ME! Shannon called me a bitch, but then after he said but I have my reasons:] EXACTLY! I feel bad because I've forgetting Scarlet. I have a baby dread in the bottom back of my head on the left side. I really like banana clips and I have a tiara! I've been thinking and these days, the only thin important to me is being comfortable and having a cool tooth brush and water bottle. 15 bucks for a COOL PRETTY THERMOS! WOOOT! Well Good night, I have being 16 to do:]

Depressed

Lately, I've been resorting to something shameful in hopes of getting my self esteem up. That just led to an even lower one. That's what I get, I guess. I'm just embarrassed and ashamed though. I should just be able to say for myself that I am beautiful. It's just nice to hear from others too. When you hear it from other people that you aren't, it makes it pretty hard to believe you are. I wonder if the day will come. How sad...

belly symphony

my weekend started Wednesday night. ate some chicken and rice and some strawberry wrap things. ya know, from Costco. It was over a good period of time that I ate these so I decided to have a muffin. Those big ones, from Costco... I'll also note my teriyaki dippers from lunch at school. I thought I would just have half but ended up eating the whole thing. RIGHT after eating those I got this weird sensation on my belly. This soon turned to pain and then it teetered between the too. I tried gagging myself to see if it was because I was to full. Nothing productive came of the gagging so I continued to suffer. The queasiness started at 8 or so and after an hour or so in front of the toilet I began to puke projectively. I'm not sure that word is being used in the right context but oh well. I dry heaved about 4 times after that and had bad diarrhea...I haven't had a night like that since 8th grade...I didn't want anyone there except my mom and she wasn't...It almost brings me to tears. My mom was right there to rub my back and telling me it was ok when I was sick last time. I would have felt grossed out if anyone else did. I miss my ma and I want to live with her but I want Rusty too and we tried having him at her house but he got all stressed and got sick...It was pathetic...I'd honestly take my mom over my dad any day. He doesn't understand when the stop. I've known this lady since I was in kindergarten, and I know her whole family and like them a lot. We moved into one of her houses and when you mix business with friendship it doesn't turn out well. We didn't have a very good experience with the whole thing but I'm not going to let that ruin my relationship with her family and her. My dad is a big gossiper and I was JUST sitting on the couch with him. I literally just came up stairs from it. He started telling me she's a wicked person and I said I don't care, which would mean I didn't want to hear anymore of it. He keeps going on even though I interrupted him. I raised my hand and said stop and looked right at him and he said, "you going to smack me in the face?" I said, "No, STOP!" I got up and got my stuff and he continued to say, "why do you treat my like shit, Mollie?" Shut the fuck up asshole. It's not like you've worked your ass off to keep stuff going around here. You haven't done shit except go to work. Im fed up and want to start gymnastics...goodnight love..