yes you do

I'm laying here on my bed. I'm wearing comfy clothes because I got sick at school today and because I just got out of the shower. I'm on my period and I didn't have much water today. I got a massive head ache in one part of my head in 5th period and I couldnt really see out of my right eye. It started doubling up and I had trouble taking my test...I'm listening to "Hey there Delilah" because I thought it would make me happy but it didn't. I've been wanting a group of songs that pull me back to a good time but I'm always on my laptop so I can't listen to all my downloaded songs on my desktop that's at my mom's house, just sitting. It's mother's day soon and I feel bad that I don't get her stuff but that's the way we were raised. My mom was the one buying the presents and we never bought each other presents, ever. Sunday will be a good day:] I tried to drink water when I had my head ache and then a cup in 6th period when I was DYING.. but I puked in my mouth while walking home and projectile vomited when I got home.

ALSO! My french teacher pregnant. I knew it! I could see her belly and her boobs looked especially big today. I've asked her, for the class, if she would invite us to her baby shower, but I wasn't asking because I thought she was pregnant, I was just curious. But for the past two weeks I've been asking my friend in the class if she thought so and I told another friend that I thought she was and she said that someone else and herself were just talking about it yesterday. I asked two more people and I knew it had to be asked. So I started with the baby shower question and she sort of didn't answer and then I asked if she would tell us if she was pregnant and she said maybe. Then someone else, I'm not sure who, asked if she was going to have a baby and she said oui and then they asked "right now?" and she said oui and then someone said you're giving birth in the classroom and said no and I just threw it out! "ARE YOU PREGNANT??!?!?!" and she said YESS!!! The whole class cheered! I started yelling about how I knew and how I was everyone all class and how we are going to wear pink shirts saying "It's a girl!" because she said it's possibly going to be a girl. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I made her give me a hug and then when I was leaving class I was so happy and excited I almost started crying. jeeze -.- HAHAH! I LOVE MOMMIES!!!!

I was planning on giving blood this weekend but since I'm in such SHITTY SHAPE I might not be able too:[

I LOVE MADAME!

Hhhwell..

I just want to talk about my relationship shingbing. I'm officially over it and I just want to give my final word. ya know?

I had two things going on...They weren't exactly relationships because I'm just to scared and am SEVERELY unsure about how relationships and getting to men works. I think people are cute all the time but I never talk to them. I tell absolutely everyone about it, except them, but since I can't do real like stuff I stick to texting and talking on the phone. For a good couple of weeks I started texting this guy I talked to back in 7th grade. I "went out" with him but for 2 years I acted like it never happened and whenever a friend would mention his name I would act like I didn't know what they were talking about. They knew I was kidding, I'm not delusional... I did this because it was all so pathetic and plain embarrassing. So I started talking to him out of desperation for male communication. I really didn't like my brothers and dad at the time I really needed someone to call me beautiful and stuff like that. (I know, I don't need someone to call me beautiful, I just need myself too) So I put on this whole act that I wanted to be friends and stuff when i absolutely didn't... He's really not the smartest guy and from what he told me he didn't have very many friend. He would be extra sweet to me and it drove me crazy. If I wanted someone he'd give it to me. No matter what it was, anything for me to keep talking to him. I had two friends over and totally was mean to him and scammed him into giving me a picture of his goods. I was completely entertained because it seemed like common sense to stop talking to someone who was mean to you, but I didn't care about his feelings. I stopped texting him the next day and haven't since. I was alright with him being in pain....

As of now, I feel bad, but I'm not going to get sucked back into it. This is why;
I talked to a guy back in 7th or 8th grade. I met him on myspace and talk to him quite a bit on msn. We would talk on and off and I thought he was the cutest thing in the world. I'd be sad when he left and absolutely ecstatic when he came on. I remember having a few tussles with him but nothing that stands out. He called me fat but I figured it was a joke. I had a time when I didn't like him because he looked weird, but he happened to be on during spring break. I sent him a message jokingly saying he was really hot and telling him to have sex with me. He replied positively so I knew I was "in" ya know? I proceeded to start talking to him on myspaceim. He was clearly flirting with me and I gave him my number and I was just like before. I was completely consumed with him. He would call me babe and it was absolutely mesmerizing. I snooped on his myspace and remember why I didn't like him before. He was a GIANT flirt with EVERY girl alive. I pushed it to the side, but I honestly should have listened to my heart. I reminded him of the time he called me fat and he didn't recall and he apologized and said I was adorable. This was on the phone. I didn't know you could lie on the phone. It's pretty much like talking to someone's face. I felt like that memory was a door opener into my weakness. He would randomly call me fat and I would take it like it was a joke but he would be extremely harsh. I fought back one time and thought i was in the clear. He slowly stopped talking to me and it was odd. I didn't understand...AT ALL! He didn't give a reason and I was so sad until I remembered...

I had done the same EXACT thing to my last guy. This ultimately didn't end well and I'm not talking to him anymore. I'm not sad anymore, I know I deserved it. My friends were saying it was karma and I wouldnt admit it but it was PURE KARMA :/ plain and simple. Over all, It was a learning experience. *siiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

I really need to get my hutspa up and mingle with the men of bremerton. No more online or textual business. I have my eye on 3 men and 1 is an ABSOLUTE no since he denied me on facebook and is a senior and chose my small, cute friend who he knows as much as he knows me. He doesn't know me at all so that's saying something.......

I really only have a chance with 1 and I don't know. I'm going to have to do something or else I'm never going to get anywhere EVER. mahhh...


that was long..

Just STOP TALKING...

I tend to get extremely excited about things that make me happy. I tell everyone about it. I don't know if I just have some issue with it actually being something that makes me happy. Well....I actually get made happy by almost everything. So when someone makes me happy, especially a guy, I talk about it and freak out a lot! I get pretty annoying...I guess. I'm not convinced he's serious about this whole thing, but I'm not going to worry about it.

I'm Feeling Beautiful

I just put on my cutest dress and some make up. I feel beautiful right now. UGH! I have to get passed this whole guy deprived thing. Complaining about it on here isn't going to get me anywhere. I watched "Made: Ladies Man" today and they have the same issues as me. Rejection sucks! We'll just have to see. I spend way to much time on the computer. I'm just sitting here:] Feeling pretty. I just had the best sleepover with Lindsey. I love how you can feel so comfy with people. We sat at the table on our comps and didn't talk for like 30 minutes. Awkwardness has NEVER been in our relationship. AH! Happy happy happy! No demon stories. WOOT k byeee

Op?

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Life is this and that these days... I'm just going to type and not go back and fix my mistakes for this blog. I need to go to bed! It's my birthday and I'm 16. I have a cellphone lover....I'm PATHETIC! My brothers love me. I love them! I love my dad and he loves me too! I'm happy about that. I love my mom but not so much right now. I know she loves me but she's contradicting herself. ITS FUCKING ANNOYING ME! Shannon called me a bitch, but then after he said but I have my reasons:] EXACTLY! I feel bad because I've forgetting Scarlet. I have a baby dread in the bottom back of my head on the left side. I really like banana clips and I have a tiara! I've been thinking and these days, the only thin important to me is being comfortable and having a cool tooth brush and water bottle. 15 bucks for a COOL PRETTY THERMOS! WOOOT! Well Good night, I have being 16 to do:]

Depressed

Lately, I've been resorting to something shameful in hopes of getting my self esteem up. That just led to an even lower one. That's what I get, I guess. I'm just embarrassed and ashamed though. I should just be able to say for myself that I am beautiful. It's just nice to hear from others too. When you hear it from other people that you aren't, it makes it pretty hard to believe you are. I wonder if the day will come. How sad...

belly symphony

my weekend started Wednesday night. ate some chicken and rice and some strawberry wrap things. ya know, from Costco. It was over a good period of time that I ate these so I decided to have a muffin. Those big ones, from Costco... I'll also note my teriyaki dippers from lunch at school. I thought I would just have half but ended up eating the whole thing. RIGHT after eating those I got this weird sensation on my belly. This soon turned to pain and then it teetered between the too. I tried gagging myself to see if it was because I was to full. Nothing productive came of the gagging so I continued to suffer. The queasiness started at 8 or so and after an hour or so in front of the toilet I began to puke projectively. I'm not sure that word is being used in the right context but oh well. I dry heaved about 4 times after that and had bad diarrhea...I haven't had a night like that since 8th grade...I didn't want anyone there except my mom and she wasn't...It almost brings me to tears. My mom was right there to rub my back and telling me it was ok when I was sick last time. I would have felt grossed out if anyone else did. I miss my ma and I want to live with her but I want Rusty too and we tried having him at her house but he got all stressed and got sick...It was pathetic...I'd honestly take my mom over my dad any day. He doesn't understand when the stop. I've known this lady since I was in kindergarten, and I know her whole family and like them a lot. We moved into one of her houses and when you mix business with friendship it doesn't turn out well. We didn't have a very good experience with the whole thing but I'm not going to let that ruin my relationship with her family and her. My dad is a big gossiper and I was JUST sitting on the couch with him. I literally just came up stairs from it. He started telling me she's a wicked person and I said I don't care, which would mean I didn't want to hear anymore of it. He keeps going on even though I interrupted him. I raised my hand and said stop and looked right at him and he said, "you going to smack me in the face?" I said, "No, STOP!" I got up and got my stuff and he continued to say, "why do you treat my like shit, Mollie?" Shut the fuck up asshole. It's not like you've worked your ass off to keep stuff going around here. You haven't done shit except go to work. Im fed up and want to start gymnastics...goodnight love..

bullshit

I'm watching the Olympics Finland vs usa. The night before lastnight I was hunched over my toilet heaving. maybe it was the camel crush? Idk but it was bullshit. My dad is talking about losing a bunch of weight in the wrong context...its bullshit. I'm on my stood and there isn't going to be much to this blog because its really slow. I love you and hope your not a bullshitter. Toodaloo mother fuckerrereerrerer!

Alright Alright

I'm finally going to sleep since I slept ALL day. woow..I was totally in the mood for blogging but now im not. Well no use in doing a sucky blog. see ya

Completely Unnessesary

I feel like I failed since I missed 2 days of blogging... Oh well. We need to find a new house to rent because we are poor and can't buy one. This house has dangerous mold in it and we found a perfect house and my brothers are SHIT and one is turning to 20 so they have to sign for the lease. If he doesn't get the room he wants he's not going to sign. They are such pieces of shit BUT I just spent the night at Jodie's! We dyed our hair and hers looks sooo stinking great. Her mommy did it for me. I feel so comfortable there. I talked about my problems and it was so nice. I love jodie.

I'm done eating for the day. I'm going to do the 1200 calories a day thing. I think the Buried Life is such a good stinkin idea. I would like to do that. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a panic attack free day. I'm going to take 700 squirts of Rescue remedy. It's also the first day of PE tomorrow and my repeat of 1st semester math...Do you think if I keep an A I can switch into 2nd semester math. Ahhhh well Mr.Nelson sounds like he's going be pretty good.

MY HAIR LOOKS RAD!

Escape

Scarlet is trying to get out of her cage. It's not working. I just got her new treats and they're not working. What a rebel..
Alright, so today was a little bit better but I had like four panic attacks. I have no idea what the heck was wrong with me. I was just sitting in science and not even 10 minutes goes by until I feel the need to go to the bathroom. I planned on going while the class was still going but I tried to breath to prolong the wait but my heart started beating really fast and my hands were getting really sweaty and I literally felt like I was going to die. I asked to go and then I sat there because I didn't know if I was going to shit my pants or something. I looked at my friend and said, "I'm having a panic attack...", and he was like what? what's wrong? and everyone near me kinda looked at me like are you alright and my teacher was like whats going on?

HAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....
I was saying its ok your fine, talking to myself. I went and came back and everyone looked at me when I walked in and I just smiled and then I sat down and it happened AGAIN! It was horrible. Then I had a mini one in my 6th period class. I took a giant nap when I got home and waited for my mommy to come here and take me to get Scarlet her stuff.
I have a horrible headache.

The guy I have a fling for called me Molmol and it was nice and weird. I love you goodnight, I'm going to kill Scarlet now.

I'm just so freakin'! *cries*

4 and a half hours til go time. I actually caught the bus this morning. I was really comfortable and not cold all day. I just finished smacking stuff together so I can organize and reword it at lunch tomorrow. I hate the CBA or any essay or test for school. I love this though. I feel like at least someone is looking at it. But I have no idea how to look at other peoples blogs on here. There is no search bar or anything.
hmmm.
In class today, these guys were talking about inviting everyone to something and I joking said am I invited and one guy made sure to say no your definitely one of the people who aren't invited. It made me feel like crap and the person who said they were inviting was someone I kind of have a fling for. I didn't talk about it after but I've thought about it at least 4 times today. I could care less if I was invited. I wouldn't go any way but jeeze. You didn't even say you were kidding. The guy who said it jokes around with someone who's a close friend of mine and I just feel like I'm not important to anyone. Yeah, I know my close friends who are all girls like me but why not a cool guy. Why can't I talk to any guys outside of school. Why does my dad suck? Why do my brothers suck? Why can't I have my dog and my mom at the same time. Of course this all brings me to think I'm uglier than everyone and that I'm fat.


HAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

I have a class tomorrow with another guy that I talk to in class but not outside of it. It's usually a good talk but it's not like I can say how I feel about guys not talking to me. I've never dated someone.(unless you count this guy in Tacoma who I've never met in real life before and talked on the phone with non stop in 7th grade) gosh... I love you so much...Thank you for being here today.

Pish Posh

hmmmm. I have a head ache and its 1:20...I played with Scarlet after I cleaned her cage a bit ago. She's so sweet and I'm excepting the fact that she's not a cuddler. Today's weird schedule wasn't as fun. I actually had a quiet 2 hour final period. I guess it was ok and I did wake up late again. I just had a giant singing session. Does anyone ever sing in their room and someone walks by, a brother, and starts singing the song too. It ruins the whole moment and it's really embarrassing. My buddy, pal Rusty is here by my side. We went on a walk today. About a mile I guess. Down the hill and then up the hill. He loved it but I couldn't help but notice one day after school on the bus, we were driving by and in this back yard I saw a dog all curled up. The back yard was semi trashed and I had been curious about it for a bit now. We walked by and there was a kitty and a puppy(Just so this is clear, I call every age of dog puppy)curled together and every 5 seconds or so the dog would shiver. It was a pretty cold day today. I could just walk into the back yard but I wouldn't be able to tell how it was living. Could I call somebody and ask them to check it out? I really want to see. There was an igloo and pillows thrown about. Some old coffe containers were what I'm guessing were food and water. Makes me sad. Scarlet is just scrambling around her cage.

I just remembered I need to finish my body image blog. Oh well I'll get to it on a later day.

Anyone know where to get jeans that are good fitting for plus sized short girls? I could really use some since one of my two pairs of jeans had a whole in them.

Alright. Good. Night and I love you. Thanks for reading(Jodie)

Well...

I ended up coming home and taking a 4 hour nappy on the couchy. I have no idea why I sleep there. It isn't comfortable at all.

Isn't that the coolest thing. It's strawberry DNA! D=
It's just a picture I got off google but that is what's around my neck right now. It's so stinkin' cool!


Today was the first day of legitimate finals. The schedule was all messed up but it made it fun and kind of go by quick. My music selection to night is a Michael Buble playlist. His voice is so soothing. I've been knitting and watching videos for the past hour. I made my self some noodles and heated up some spaghetti sauce and it was nice. My dad brought home short ribs and red rice so I'm going to have that for lunch tomorrow. So we have 4 period a day during finals. 2 study periods and 2 final periods and it's all just messing around because most teacha's dont want to do a final. I felt like I was on a play ground and I was so calm. The final periods are two hours long and for my english class we didn't have one so we worked on essays. My group, me Ashley and Miya, had to go to the lab to type. We joined another class, marine biology, and the freaking sub was so cute. Me and Ashley were laughing so hard. I love the jiddy feeling you get when your embarrassed. He asked if we knew when we got out of class and I wanted to not look so bad BUT...I did and said no and turned away really fast because I was just going to smile really hard and crack up. It was great. OH! I did not wake up at 6 but at 7:20. That's when I'm suppose to catch the bus, but my dad took me to school after I showered. Cursed clock! >=[ *shakes fist*

My scalp is so itchy and flaky :[ I don't know what to do:/ There's a happy blog for ya! Farewell and I do love you. *hug*

Sleepless

I can't sleep. The downstairs smells like marijuana. Rusty (My puppy) won't sleep with me. I'm extremely hot. I'm sorry if this gets you down and you've already stop reading. My sleep schedule isn't exactly off. I'm not going to come home tomorrow and sleep. It's just when I try to go to sleep when its actually time to sleep I can't and when I want to spend the whole day with my mom and I want to wake up bright and early I wake up several time until I finally get up at 2 in the afternoon... I have to shower tomorrow morning so I have to actually get up at 6...I'm not excited and I'm scared my alarm clock isn't going to go off because I wasn't home this morning and no one unplugged it. They must have learned how to shut it off. I'm sitting in a dark room and my radio is playing. I'll probably post when I get home too. I'm thinking that I'll write down something that I might thing of during the day so I can make sure and say everything in here. I need to clean Scarlet's (My hammie) cage tomorrow. My room smells like pee. That's all for now. Thank and I love you. *hug*

Getting started

Hello beings! I'm Mollie and I've seen that my friend has been doing a blog spot. I'd be sitting in my living room and I would think of something and want to be able to put it into a blog. I'm giving this a try even though I'll probably drop it after a bit. I'm playing the most calming music I can think of right now. Is it just me or does the font make me look like I'm never going to misspell something. (I meant to say that I'm listening to Band of Horses)


hmmm.


I'm not sure if your suppose to be creative or whatever here but I know that I'm just going fling my mind into here. hopefully someone will feel the need to give me their opinion. I little bit about myself. I feel, that lately I have been more comfortable with myself. I'm plus sized and I dont feel like everyone is looking at my chub all the time. I feel that if I think I'm cute and stylish in something then everyone else will. I absolutely love when someone looks....I dont know....like they rest in their living room, and are peaceful and do whatever they want. I love the thermal long sleeve shirts (my belly is hurting). I love the unshaven pale men. The worn olive green vest they wear. The comfortable shoes that they look like they go hiking in. I love the look of comfort.


I have high anxiety. I get hot and sweaty so easily and it is horrible. I have some sort of disease that makes my stomach go off the heezy and I always feel like I'm going to shit myself when ever I'm nervous. Nervous for car rides, class, awkward moment. I had it in 4th grade for the first time and it stopped that year but when I started 7th grade I got extremely horrible. I was just so afraid of tooting right in class especially when its quiet and it made everything worse. I'm to busy thinking about keeping it in that I can't do my work. I can't listen to the lessons. My mom gave me calming stuff and that kind of worked. I still had the stomach issues so I did research on my symptoms and it looked like I had IBS. I already knew I was lactose intolerant, so I guess having that mixed with the stress of my parents fighting all the time and all the drama of my family, it really took a toll on me. I changed my diet in 8th grade and it finally stopped. I didn't have any issues the next year except for a couple of usual stomach problems. I'm now in 10th grade and my parents are divorced and it's better because they don't yell everyday but when my dad talks to my mom and makes her cry or when ever he just talks about her its stressful. I used to hate him for being such a cruel person but it's still kind of there lately. My brothers are in drugs and they lie and they don't really sneak because the house we are in isn't monitored at all. My dad it gone everyday except Tuesday and you all probably know by now that I don't live with my mom. I spend every weekend with her though and I talk to her all the time. But anyway, my IBS has started up again and I used to come home every day in the beginning of the year and sleep so I have put on a lot of weight but I am a manager of the basketball team so I'm doing pretty good recently. But this was all goes back to my body image. I feel like I'm not ugly and I can be cute as long as I'm covered up. I'm extremely hairy....and I don't like the way my boobs go. They dont do the whole cleavage thing but I just got a bra that helped me with that. I usually wear t shirts because they are the perfect coverage but I do have 2 v necks. (I almost got side tracked just now, I'm tired) I have really bad acne on my back and face. I have gotten stretch marks from my recent weight gain. I feel like I'm really funny and people tell me this all the time and I'm really comfortable with my close friends and I'm trying to get my grades up because I started out so good but then once I wanted to start dieting my stomach went absolutely ballistic. I'm trying to pull it all together. I want to be in a relationship but not badly. It would be nice but I don't want to have the stress. No one has shown interest in me but the guys who I can talk to are ideal for me. I can only talk to them in class though. In the halls we just walk by each other. It makes me feel that no guy wants to be seen talking to me in public. Oh wel,l I'll continue tomorrow. I think I've written to much for my first blog ever. *long sigh* I love who ever is reading this and I give you a giant hug.